| We fused the ends shut and held it underwater to make sure it couldn't breathe. Dropped it in gasoline and watched how far what's seen will be. Left it in neutral and the headlights on for what could be seen. Bottle rocket you take off in a hurry. You dipped your hand and felt the earth I said come on keep going you said nothing blew up and flew away. One last staggering embrace before the flight you're riding shotgun I'm handing you up into the arms of a yellow box. It'll be twelve hours you'll be heading South.
There were maps to look over. I had to tend so I could not attend. Two counties west from where cats and philosophers go to drown. Hanging on by a neck you fell through a closet into the basement. You bleached the colors and sounds they were all just sitting around but when you couldn't find something to watch and you swung at the television sparks flew everywhere bars and tones bounced off your mind the signal was lost. Monsters in uniform showed up and hide as you might try they're taking you where you need to go. You scream in the night but you're not going home. You threw glass to hear the sound of alarms.
I caught a glimpse of your face and I followed you. I tried to talk about why you keep calling and letting yourself in when I'm not around. So last night I followed you but the joke was nipping at my heels for six blocks. I sat down in the rain on a sidewalk in front of the river and with each sip my body became more fluid and let each one after that pass more easily. People at night walked by and stared and continued on their flesh colored task lists and I thought about them thinking about how alone I must be. There's no good excuse for what I do but if I scrape away the paint the cops'll have to take me to the hospital first. In the morning I cant forge an explanation to the people I've done wrong. I can't help but reach across the sheets at night and hope you're the monster still hiding underneath.
I would tip the engineer should he run over my thoughts and spread their ruined guts all over the tracks so I can't recognize what beasts have been laughing in my ear. By sundown I've made it back to sixteen and I find ups and downs and round yellow ones this time that act like currency for a place somewhere in between. Everybody's like me, though. Everybody's like me.
I've looked everywhere and I can't find a damn thing. It's been months and still no sign of life. Stick out your head and ease my mind. Your old friends are here but they're not the same and they're not as smooth as you. I don't know where you grew up I don't know where you've been but I can feel it in your eyes. Did I throw you out in a fit of good judgment? Where have you gone to?
You wait around until the leaves ferment. I saw the violent mess peaking from across the room. I waited in the guilty quiet but you woke up in a violin panic threw bricks at the television screens. You tied yourself to the harbor the tide couldn't wash the sick smell from your nose stay under the ocean but don't blow your cover. You stink like the dead.
I can't keep you around.
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| Israel is gonna crack and Pakistan is on my trails. France is gonna collapse. |
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| I can tell she is very sad inside and full of hate for other people. |
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| I'm not going to make it. This whole apartment/living on your own/being
independent thing. I can't do it. I'm not good enough or I wasn't
taught well enough or I'm too lazy or no one ever taught me to be
responsible enough. I'm surrounded by poor little rich kids complaining
about how good they have it while I'm scrambling for pennies and living
paycheck to paycheck with nothing in between. I know some people have
it so much worse but god dammit it would sure feel nice to have some
people that are there for me that would return my calls or help out
once in a while. They're not entitled to but throwing your kid to the
wolves ain't exactly the best way to teach him how to survive.
The train moves slow enough to stop and I know you're scared that's why
you're stayin' here I'll leave you a note leave you crouching next to
this rock It's hard to wave goodbye when I'm running for my life The
cool summer night air pours into my lungs and caresses my cheeks and If
this were Indiana we'd be missing the beat Waving to old men on old
porches in old rocking chairs Run the path lit by the children chasing
us This is only if we leave today Throw our bags on first and wait till
only we remain
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| If I turn you off will you forget who you are? |
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